Tough Week
The Misfit Mum: So the past week or so has been very busy. Emotionally it’s been a bit of a roller-coaster. Boo is having a ball at his new school, but this week had an altercation which has completely set off my anxiety.
I’ve always had a bit of a complex when it comes to school and school mums. Everyone seems so lovely at this new school, but like any new social situation it’s really hard work and there’s so much uncertainty.
Being slightly ‘out there’ and excitable, I don’t tend to fit into the ‘normal’ mould. I get nervous and talk too much. I’m ‘weird’! I think I just come across as ‘too much’ and scare people off. Not their type of person. I’ve always struggled to fit in and make good friends. But I hope this time it’s different. I don’t want to be the ‘misfit mum’ anymore.
The lie
When Boo was born, I got excited about the nursery/ school years and looked forward to the close friendships, like you see on TV… Pathetic really, when I take a step back and look at it. They haven’t really happened as I expected. I don’t have that regular group of friends I meet with or anyone who speaks to me on a regular.
As in previous years, I’m keen to get involved with the school and support them. I love getting involved with the boys schools and clubs, but I’m also aware of how this didn’t overly help before. I loved helping, it always gave me a real sense of reward. Seeing the kids little faces and knowing that by helping, it was making these events possible. Although, it didn’t make people want take time to get to know me… It played on and heightened my insecurities in a lot of cases. I was ‘that mum’ who who was always there. Always on hand to help. Always the one who knew every kids name and quirk. But never the mum anyone really wanted to get to know.
I’ve got this…
Although this sounds very ‘woah is me’, I have moved on and am so much stronger about my insecurities and anxiety. It lingers, but it rarely takes hold. I also know I’m not on my own with this feeling. I work full time now and so I’m not so ‘available’, but my want to help is still strong. I will do the things that make me feel good and make me a better person and I will be there for my boys…
The Misfit Mum
So I may not be ‘normal’, but I care and I will always give every friendship, every project and everything I do all I can. Being ME is the most important thing these days.